Everybody's gonna learn sometime

I know I don’t need to keep saying this and also am quite sure that everyone experiences life being strange. It strangely gives u what you want, but rarely what u need.

Sure the difference is not always visible and yes sometimes there isn’t any. This one struck me while I was watching a Hindi comedy flick which didn’t needs my brains, so I let it wander.

I am a girl of marriageable age - or so my folks believe. Thanks to the various brainchild’s of some IT gurus, we have dime a dozen matrimonial websites available today. The story began a good year back. The discussion started over a cup of coffee and then a few evenings later a random meeting with a boy and his parents.

When i walked across the room and saw his disgusting fingernails my blood boiled. My dream sequence instead of seeing me running around clouds with him was one where i sat in a chair, with him sitting in front of me and me scrubbing his nails with a nail brush. Though the truth of the matter was that instead of me blushing, Mr. Dirty Nails sat starring at the floor.

Quite relieved I was when my parents came and announced that they didn’t think the guy was right for me. Though a premature one, but the guy sure gave me quite an insight into a married life I would be entering. Whilst I wanted someone who was sophisticated , charming, someone who spoke well, call it luck or fate, i got to know a few bachelors who were nice sure but dint have the right packaging-if you know what I mean.

And then this life saver Guru who my mom ran to in kerala gave my mom a run down on how since this isn’t the right time, wrong men would turn up. And how she should hold her gun and not fire guys at me.

This was the time when i did meet a lot of guys who were just like the ones I wanted. The ones who wore Armani, had Honda wheels and warm smiles. The best part is I met them on my own without my mom’s help. Was thrilled. Yeah life was fun at fancy dinner tables and got sum friends jealous with the flowers that used to turn up in office, however for some reason there was something that the chemistry lost out to.

This went on for a while until the thought occurred at the movie- in which the heroine falls for an absolute wimp. He had it what then struck to me is what I need. It wasn’t the flamboyance, it was character. It was the strength she got from him. The support and inspiration and freedom he gave her.

I needed a man to be supportive of the leaps I take, some dangerous enough for me to lose my job, some insisting on me spends months at home in a room. Belief and trust are two so strong words for me suddenly.

I believe life made me want those things to make me realize what I need. I’m grateful.

To the future

Try he said

It struck me hard

The three bold letters

Thee saw it why dint I?

My fingers tremble

To take the first step

Can I dare enough to make

An altering decision

I need to be a hero

But which one

The one who waits for the distress

Or should I be brave enough

I stand on the see saw

Not moving an inch

Right lies chaos confusion excitement

And the other comfort & sanity

And so it is

A standstill time

A non breathing one

A cowardly attempt.

No I want to move

I want to fly into skies unseen

Bathe in light experiences

Shall I, will I?

Will I ever learn?

Once again the sweet bloom of love
The grateful feeling of being understood
More than two skins with flesh
Souled mates standing with their reflection

Did i think of unity?
Think of the pleasant obvious next move?
Did i not feel the invisible warm shoulder?
Touch the comfort and smell the warmth?

Heaven i did, received it packed in tiny messages
Those which melt in your heart
Leaving tingling freshness in your head
Urging belief to hold its guard

Change crept in, stars not favoring the energy
Arguments, pinches of doubt, pain, guilt
All in turmoil cracked the former intensity
Pieces from the magnet started to erode

Goodbye bids thrown by our hurt lips
Along came another mortal
Glimpses of their heart exchange seen
My bleeding returned heart & two other establish & join.

Once more my sorrowful eye emerged
Looking back seeking the behind direction
Yelling "Come back, come back"
Hand held out, a wait yet again.

Two months before the rains

Black silence all around,
Not a drop, nor a sound
Emotion sittin deep inside
Brings a tear as big as a tide

Just when i began to drown,
Just when sadness was to step into town
Light ray, burnt its way through
Picture enlightening it quietly drew.

Saying goodbye is never easy,But ray sang a different song,
Now is just a moment,Tomorrow is where i belong
Know not I, we will meet
Expectation and optimism i will keep
For i found a precious pearl, And there's no better in this world.

Come back as fast and so slow
Cherish my memories and you should know,
The mud earns for the raindrop and so shall I
I hope everytime it rains, I don't cry.